11 January 2012

The only thing worth watching about the GOP New Hampshire Primary was Wolf Blitzer bouncing around his “Situation Room”, desperately trying to find something interesting to say to stay the hands of his viewers on their remotes. You could almost see the terror on faces of his team: “My God, Boss, there’s no story here!” And Wolf’s rejoinder: “Then we must make one up.”

So Romney is it. I have the same problem with Romney my wife had with John Kerry (“He looks like an undertaker.”) I think it’s the 13-acre forehead that does it. He doesn’t look like the undead, exactly, but more like that experiment in the Balkans that went so terribly awry. When he smiles and shows his teeth the resemblance is even more devastating. He makes me want to reach for my torch and storm the castle with the rest of the village.

Today I had to have a very difficult talk with my Blackberry. It went something like this:

BB: Hey, what’s in that white box?
R: Oh, this? Uh….
BB: Oh, God, no, don’t tell me! I can’t believe this is happening! You’re swapping me out for an I Phone!
R: Please, try to understand…..
BB: What? I haven’t served you well all these years? So you just throw me away like an old shoe?
R: I didn’t say that. You’ve been great. Well. Once I got used to your defects, that is.
BB: Defects? Name one!
R: Those dropped calls?
BB: That was the network, you idiot! You can’t put that on me!
R: And the battery? The one that used to last for days and now last for just a few hours?
BB: Oh, like your I Phone battery is going to be any better? Give me a break! Come on, tell me the truth. It’s just that you think having an I Phone is going to make you look ‘cool’, isn’t it?
R: There’s that. But also all those…..uh….what do call them?
BB: Aps? You think I don’t have Aps?

It went on like that. In the end, we parted friends, I think. Speaking of technology, there was one coda I wanted to put on yesterday’s post, re my 2011 goal of ‘Ruling the Interwebs with my Twitter Game’. To my credit, I did manage to figure out how to pay WordPress the $17 in order to renew my Domain (they make it incredibly hard to pay them, believe it or not – is this a New Age business model?). The secret was I went into one of those dreaded User Forums (where people who have the same problem can commiserate that they can’t get in touch with WordPress to solve it) with a title in screaming caps WHY IS WORDPRESS’ SUPPORT SO ATROCIOUS? and stumbled on a way to pay them.

My goal for 2012 will be scaled back. Much like Sancho Panza’s aspiration to ‘be governor of a small insula (province)’, my objective will be to govern a small piece of the Interwebs — maybe that same place where Users gather to try to solve their problems.

Rupert Scofield


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