Where are the Jobs?

18 August 2011

Everyone is wondering how to create jobs in this New Global Economy. As usual, I went to Horse’s mouth to get answers, talking to the Commander-in-Chief and the country’s most successful businesswoman.

I joined Obama in the Oval Office, where he was focus group testing his latest plan: increased government spending on things like rebuilding collapsing infrastructure, and tax cuts for companies that do new hiring. He had a focus group of one, having recalled Boehner from his attempted vacation.

O: So, John, what do you think of my idea?
B: No.
O: Why not? It would create some new jobs immediately, wouldn’t it?
B: No.
O: Now, I know you’re worried about the spending part increasing the deficit, but isn’t it more important right now to focus on the job side?
B: No.

Well, that didn’t seem to be going too well, so I called up Kim.

R: Kim, first off — and I feel like an idiot for having to ask you this — but I STILL don’t have my invitation to the wedding.
K: I will look into that.
R: Good. Congratulations, by the way. And, if it’s not too personal, a question. Does Kris know about, uh, your back story?
K: No, and it’s none of his business.
R: Are you sure? I mean, your life is kind of an open book.
K: Rupert, you are soooooooo a loser. I keep telling you: writing your book is the last thing you do.
R: Got it. Kim, do you think the answer to unemployment in this new, confusing Global Economy is for everyone to have their own Reality Show?
K: Well, no, of course not. You could go to college for four years, and then graduate school and become an engineer or something.
R: Really? Oh, I see, you’re pulling my leg….
K: Okay, Rupert, watch my lips, repeat after me: Reality Show, fragrance line, shoe line, magazine cover shoot….

Much as I hate to admit it, she is kinda cool. Still going to overtake her, though. After Saturday, things are really gonna slow down for her, I believe that.

Rupert Scofield


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