Trying to Keep Up With the Kardashians

27 June 2011

I have an audio interview with BBC World Service and a video interview with Telegraph TV this afternoon, and given that BBC’s World Service’s weekly outreach can go as high as 188 million people, I’m naturally looking at this as a big opportunity to raise my profile and enhance my and FINCA’s brand.

To make sure I take full advantage of it, I checked in with the champion-par-non of Brand Building, Kim Kardashian, for some tips. I didn’t tell her that my end game was to knock her off the front page of People magazine.

“Kim, thanks for taking my call. Is this a good time?”

“It’s always a good time, Rupert, when you’re as famous as I am.”

“Well, Okay, then, let’s get straight to it. How does one become famous in this age of attenuated attention spans and people being bombarded from every angle by multi media?”

“It’s easier than you think. But let’s take you, Rupert. What am working with here?”

“Well, I’ve written a book.”

“Oooo, not good, Rupert.”

“No? But don’t you want to hear…..”

“You write the book AFTER you are already famous.”

“Oh….. Well, I’m taping an interview later today, and it’s about the book….”

“NO! NO! NO! Jesus, Rupert, you are hopeless, I’m afraid. The last thing on earth people want to see a tape of is you talking about your silly book.”

“So what do they want to see?”

“Tell you what. Just google the key words “Kim” and “tape” and see what comes up.”

I promised I would. I could tell she was losing patience with me, so I figured I better pick up the pace.

“Kim, if there is just ONE THING I should do to become famous, what would it be?”

“Attach yourself to a celebrity, like me or Paris, and then spring board off their heads into the lime light.”

“Ah. So…..would you be….available?”

A low chuckle. “The line is long, honey.”

“Yeah, figured that. One last question: How will I know whether or not it’s working?”

“When you become famous.”

“Right. And how will I know when I have become famous?”

“When people start Keeping Up with you.”

“And how will I get them to…….? Okay, got it. Thanks, Kim.”

But she had already hung up on me.

Rupert Scofield


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