The Cattle Fatten with the Eye of the Owner

5 February 2011

It seems whenever something good and democratic happens in the world, a Republican steps forward to take credit for having made it happen. When Gorbachev very sensibly decided to cut out of the arms race before both the Soviet Union and the U.S. went bankrupt, Ronnie was hailed as having made Gorby blink and defeated the Ruskies. Others have suggested that the massive investments in defense the U.S. made during the Cold War were unnecessary, and had we just huffed and puffed and blow the Berlin Wall down, the Soviet Union and its ridiculous economic model would have collapse on its on, saving us a ton of money and the “need” to run up the first of the gigantic Republican Deficits.
The most recent example is that W is now being credited by some pundits for setting in motion the wave of democracy sweeping through the Arab world.
I agree with them.
Yes, you read that correctly.
In the same way that a giant asteroid should be credited for wiping out the dinosaurs (sorry, Sarah. It wasn’t, as you were told, that Alley Oop clocked them with his club, one by one, until they were all gone), in the same way that the Bubonic Plague gets credit for population control, W should be recognized for his pivotal role in toppling dictatorships in Tunisia and Egypt.
Stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this.
You see, it was all part of a Master Plan W and Cheney cooked up, after they first destroyed and then rebuilt Iraq. As failed Presidential candidate General Wesley Clark once revealed in an NPR interview, the Bush Administration had a plan to knock off the rest of the Arab world, country by country. The problem was, before they could do it, W maxed our credit cards. When he tried to charge the next trillion to get the effort to overthrow Iran’s government, his Amex bounced the charge back, together with a massive penalty fee (rumored to be on the order of 25 billion).
So he had to come up with a Plan B, which was destroy the global economy, which in turn created such hardship in the Arab world, that the people finally rebeled. And it’s working like a charm.
As Paul Harvey used to say, “And now you know the Rest of the Story.”

Rupert Scofield


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