Lend me your Ears (of Corn)

28 December 2011

Having time on my hands, I though I would dash off to Iowa to see how the Republican field is doing. To my surprise, I found Romney, whom I had written off as being too smart and competent to stand a chance with either the Limbaugh brainwashed base or the clandestine leadership, which favors congenial dimwits easily subject to manipulation, with a slim lead over the rest of the pack.

But the mood at Romney’s HQ in Des Moines was not one of jubilation. Rather, a profound gloom prevailed over his campaign team. The reason was not his competition, which he was confident he could defeat, but the less sanguine view of his chances in November.

“We’ve run the polls,” one of his organizers told me,”and if the economy stays on its current course, he looks tough to beat.”

I asked him if that meant that, contrary to the message Romney was putting out, Obama’s policies were, in fact, working.

“Oh, no,” he reassured me. “It’s not so much what he’s doing, but what he hasn’t done.”

For example?

“Well, he hasn’t attacked any other countries, borrowing a 6 trillion dollars to establish a new ally of our worst enemy in the middle east while giving Al Queda another toehold, which they didn’t have before. Nor has he deregulated Wall Street to the point where it can crash the global economy again, requiring another 4 trillion dollars of debt to repair the damage.”

“I see what you mean,” I said. “So what’s your plan?”

“I have an idea,” said Karl Rove, who had just joined us. “Since Romney can’t beat Obama, have him run against someone else.”

“Like who?” the organizer asked, skeptical.

“A made up candidate. For example, one who is a socialist and believes in the government controlling everything, and who hates America and believes that the fruits of those who work for a living should be redistributed to those who don’t.”

“Brilliant! And how about if we make him an African American, to boot!”

“He IS an African American,” someone in the back of the room noted.

The gloom resettled over the Romney team.

Suddenly, Rove smiled. “How about an African American who was born in Africa?”

Rupert Scofield


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