Get Me to the Greek

13 September 2011

I spoke to the George Papandreou, the Prime Minister of Greece, today to see how their efforts were going to stave off a second global financial meltdown. I was a bit concerned as I had heard that the latest strategy was to let them default on their debt, which would bring down a number of major European banks who prudently loaded up on Greek debt over the years.
“No, no, no,” the Prime Minister told. “We have the situation firmly in hand. We have a plan, and we are executing it.”
I asked if the plan was to exact more sacrifices from the Greek people, like raising the retirement age from 50 to something more in line with the rest of the industrialized world.
After the Prime Minister stopped laughing, he said: “Rupert, please understand. Our country founded civilization and democracy. It was a lot of work. We are entitled to rest for a while now.”
I asked him to define “a while”.
“We’ll let you know,” he promised. “Beside, you northerners are workaholics. Those of us from the southern hemisphere have a more balanced approach to life. It works out. You guys generate the wealth, and we spend it.”
I pressed him for more details on the plan.
“For now, the plan is to have the German people bail us out a third time.”
And if that isn’t enough?
“We’re thinking of selling some landmarks and islands. The Chinese are very interested in the Parthenon. The hedge fund managers who crashed the global financial system last time and made billions from it are in a bidding war for some of our islands.”
It got me to thinking: maybe this could be a solution for our country? I wonder how much Hawaii would go for?
And why stop at islands? Why not sell the whole thing? Then this whole tax-deficit debate would go away.
I asked my assistant to put me through to Boehner. He should take my call. After all, it’s me, not Obama calling.

Rupert Scofield


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