Winding down after a mad 10-day run which included 3 speaking engagements and dozens of lunches and dinners with interesting people wanting to help us get FINCA UK into high gear, all against the backdrop of a crumbling Eurozone and the ever wonderful antics of Those Wild And Crazy GOP candidates.
Poor Romney, how could he possibly compete? He should withdraw now. He stands out in that line up like an Ozzie-and-Harriet throwback to the 50s when America still knew who we were and where we were going. Contrast that with Tongue-Tied Rick, who offers another Celebrate-Our-Ignorance candidate in the Bush-Palin mode, who can’t even remember which parts of the government he will destroy when he takes power. And what can we say about Hands-On Herman, aka The Octopus, who would use our tax dollars to purchase upgrades for his harrassment targets?
I can’t think about that now. I can’t think about that tomorrow.
I’ve got to put on my ‘Wedding Face’.
There was an interesting Op Ed in the NYT this morning by Warren Buffet, complaining that, while he is taxed at the rate of 17%, the drones in his office at Berskhire Hathaway are taxed at 33% to 41%. He thinks that is unfair, and wants Congress to “Stop Coddling the Super Rich” like himself.
I understand that Boehner is frantically buying up every copy of today’s NYT and shredding them before anyone else sees it.
So it’s down to Romney, Bachmann and Perry. Romney is the most intelligent, competent and qualified of the lot, so obviously doesn’t stand a chance with the GOP base. Besides, Romney himself doesn’t know where he stands on most of the issues, so how could anyone else? He is the Al Gore of the GOP field: with a wooden, room clearing appeal that says “So I’m worth a quarter of a billion, so what? I’m just like you!”
Then we have Bachmann. Oy, veh. Unlike most Republican politicians who pretend to be religious, she’s the real thing. We both read Alley Oop comics as children, but she internalized them and still does think man co-existed with dinosaurs. She would teach creationism instead of Darwin in public schools, which would really gives an edge over the Chinese when it comes to science.
Perry is my hands on bet for the one who will go all the way. The Reagan BS is second nature to him, sliding out of his mouth with a facility that would have left the Gipper himself envious. But it’s when the camera zooms in on his beady little eyes that you realize: “OMG! It’s the reincarnation of Nixon!” If you could make a candidate through gene splicing you couldn’t do better.
Watching him on CNN in New Hampshire you could almost see the bubble coming out of his head: “It took Bush 8 years to destroy America. I can do it in two.”
I have an audio interview with BBC World Service and a video interview with Telegraph TV this afternoon, and given that BBC’s World Service’s weekly outreach can go as high as 188 million people, I’m naturally looking at this as a big opportunity to raise my profile and enhance my and FINCA’s brand.
To make sure I take full advantage of it, I checked in with the champion-par-non of Brand Building, Kim Kardashian, for some tips. I didn’t tell her that my end game was to knock her off the front page of People magazine.
“Kim, thanks for taking my call. Is this a good time?”
“It’s always a good time, Rupert, when you’re as famous as I am.”
“Well, Okay, then, let’s get straight to it. How does one become famous in this age of attenuated attention spans and people being bombarded from every angle by multi media?”
“It’s easier than you think. But let’s take you, Rupert. What am working with here?”
“Well, I’ve written a book.”
“Oooo, not good, Rupert.”
“No? But don’t you want to hear…..”
“You write the book AFTER you are already famous.”
“Oh….. Well, I’m taping an interview later today, and it’s about the book….”
“NO! NO! NO! Jesus, Rupert, you are hopeless, I’m afraid. The last thing on earth people want to see a tape of is you talking about your silly book.”
“So what do they want to see?”
“Tell you what. Just google the key words “Kim” and “tape” and see what comes up.”
I promised I would. I could tell she was losing patience with me, so I figured I better pick up the pace.
“Kim, if there is just ONE THING I should do to become famous, what would it be?”
“Attach yourself to a celebrity, like me or Paris, and then spring board off their heads into the lime light.”
“Ah. So…..would you be….available?”
A low chuckle. “The line is long, honey.”
“Yeah, figured that. One last question: How will I know whether or not it’s working?”
“When you become famous.”
“Right. And how will I know when I have become famous?”
“When people start Keeping Up with you.”
“And how will I get them to…….? Okay, got it. Thanks, Kim.”
But she had already hung up on me.